Most caregivers for the elderly will eventually have to deal with some degree of incontinence in their patient or loved one, and it can be a very difficult, emotionally charged situation for everyone involved. But with an attitude of calmness, cooperation, and sensitivity, caregivers can make a huge difference.
Generally a side effect of illness (such as diabetes or urinary tract infection) or an existing condition like enlarged prostate or weakened pelvic muscles, age-related incontinence is a very common condition effecting literally millions of people over the age of 60.
Helping an older person cope with incontinence can be very challenging for caregivers, particularly if they are family members. Most older people find the condition humiliating and many will go to great lengths to deny or hide it, and may be upset or angry if it is mentioned.
This attitude can make it very difficult to provide the kind of help the older person needs, and many caregivers are reluctant to even try to discuss it. But age-related incontinence is a condition that rarely if ever improves or goes away on its own; ignored, it can trap the older person in a miserable cycle of fear, self-doubt, isolation and shame.
Helping the older person accept the condition and introducing the use of protective products such as incontinence pants, pads, devices and bedding can be among the most helpful and constructive things a caretaker can do. Here are some tips for caregivers facing this situation.
Be sensitive and compassionate. It's crucial for caregivers to understand how profoundly upsetting incontinence episodes can be for the elderly; not only are they excruciatingly embarrassing, they create feelings of self-doubt, loss of control, and plunging self-esteem. Many older people consider even mild, infrequent incontinence episodes to be proof that they're no longer capable adults, and they will take whatever measures necessary to hide the condition.
If you find evidence that an accident has occurred, the last thing to do is confront the older person and demand an explanation. Simply clean up whatever needs to be cleaned without comment; making a fuss will only make the situation worse.
Stay calm and patient, and hang on to your sense of humor. The more upset you as a caregiver become when an incontinence episode occurs, the more ashamed and upset the older person will be, and the less willing he or she will be to trust you to help them. Treat incontinence as what it is - a medical condition that can be managed. Don't dramatize, and don't let the older person turn it into a catastrophe.
Never scold or nag. Remember that age-related incontinence is totally involuntary; no amount of disapproval or retraining will help.
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